Friday, July 08, 2005

And yet, another reason to wonder...

When Rachel was born, I couldn't help but wonder what I did to cause Rachel's cleft lip and cleft palate. Was it the starting of prenatal vitamins late?? Was it that a home pregnancy test was false negative therefore I took Provera to induce my period?? Was it because I was doing Weight Watchers and trying to eat healthy?? What did I do to cause this??

As if all those reasons weren't enough to wonder about, now I have yet another reason to wonder...

Once again, in an online search for cleft lip websites or blogs, I came across another news article that hit close to home, Cleft Lip More Likely in Babies of Overweight Moms.

Okay, so I was overweight when I got pregnant with Rachel (I still am). However, I had lost 70lbs prior to my getting pregnant. In fact, it was due to my weight loss that I even got pregnant. I had to take minor fertility drugs to get pregnant with Hannah. I figured I would need them again if I was to get pregnant, afterall, I had been off the Pill for over 18 months and still wasn't pregnant. But my weight loss jump started my ovaries to working, and much to my surprise I became pregnant.

Was my being overweight really a cause in Rachel's cleft?? I weighed less when I got pregnant with Rachel than I did when I got pregnant with Hannah. And Hannah was born non cleft affected. It's defiantely a question I will ask our craniofacial team in September at our yearly appointment.

I first came across this topic a couple of days ago. At first I didn't think much about it. I tried to find the actual article in The Cleft Palate-Craniofacial Journal. But had no luck and didn't want to subscribe to the online journal. But then found this second article, and thought I'd share my thoughts about this subject.

Oh, and by the way, one of the accomplishments I am most proud that I maintained that 70lb weigh loss throughout my pregnancy. Since Rachel's birth I have continued to do Weight Watchers in my continued attempt to get to goal...although it has been really hard to stay on the bandwagon the last year. But I keep getting up, despite falling off. And that's the important thing!


Mom said...

We know that Rachel was fearfully and wonderfully made by God's own hand. He could have formed her lip and palate all over in the womb, but, He chose for some reason not to. What we do know is that God hand chose you to be Rachel's mother because you were "His best" for her. Overwieght or cannot blame yourself. But I do know first hand that's what we do as mothers. I blamed myself when your infant sister died. But God had a plan and exactly a year later we had you.
You were His perfect plan for me.
And you are God's perfect plan for Rachel. Love you, Mom

Kim said...

I just want to echo Patty's loving comment. I STILL have a tendency to wonder what I did wrong to lose all of my babies, but I know Ryan and Abby were God's plan for us through adoption. I have seen God grow you in faith so much throughout this last year, and Rachel is such a blessing to us all. I will continue to pray God will give you peace and comfort and the ability to not blame yourself. I love you too, Darcy!

Colleen said...


I know how you feel. I too wonder and wonder and look for a reason. Actually, I think as mothers, we try to blame ourselves because it gives us the illusion of having control. The reality is, we don't. Now if only my heart could digest that completely :) You search for the answer for Rachel in your weight and I sought for the answer for Zachary in the cough medicine I took before I knew I was pregnant. I put this in the twins' birth announcement as it gave me comfort as to the burning question 'why?' "... but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." John 9:3 It gives me peace. Thanks for sharing Rachel's story

Melany said...

I think as parents, we always feel that WE are to blame. And in most cases that is not true. The miracle of a growing baby is amazing and so many things could go wrong in reality.

You are an awesome mom to her...don't beat yourself up about something that you most probably had nothing to do with.